Tuesday, August 29, 2006

A job...

I am looking for work I can do at home. If you need administrative help of virtually any kind, please let me know. Resume available upon request.

Now, as I think this post is generally off topic and a request for help, I think it is only fair I give something of value back to you. Below is a list 'definitions' I wrote the last time I was looking for work...

Entry Level Low pay, lotsa work, no future
Ability to work independently No support staff, you're on your own
Experienced No training provided
Team player Boss gets credit, you get blame
Salary history required We don't want someone we have to pay a lot for
Salary requirements We don't want to read all the resumes we'll get...note: see above
Salary negotiable We don't know how much to pay, or the more you can do, the less we can pay
Excellant benefits The salary is below average
Flexible hours Overtime and weekend required with no notice
Self starter You must know the job in the first week
Room for advancement We want to replace your future boss but pay less for the position
Casual environment 1. Dress down on alternate Fridays

2. Personnel reviews done in company lunchroom or at company parties

Supervisory position We'll blame you for the other people's screw ups
Leadership abilities Your boss wants someone to cover for him while he golfs
Ability to take charge Your boss works 60-70 hours a week and has been looking very pale lately
Boss' right hand 1. Boss has two left hands, or...

2. Boss needs someone to do his work also

College grads encouraged We hope you'll take anything to pay off your loans
Re-entering work force You earn the same as you would as a stay at home mom without the cute smiles....or

We'll pay you entry level rates and expect managerial experience

Managerial experience You'll be expected to supervise a bunch of children
Diverse environment We have one of everything here
Experienced only You'll be the only one that can do the job
College degree required We want to say that we have a college degreed person doing this menial job
Customer service You'll have to answer the phones when the Receptionist is at lunch
HS Diploma or equvalent required We need a warm body
Some college required Teenagers need not apply
Advanced degree required We mean it...you have to know something about this
MBA We want a fast track program and you're it!
No experience required, we'll train It's our way or no way
Some experience We'll let you do the grunt work
10 years experience You teach us
Support busy manager You make the coffee and pick up the laundry
Family environment Babysit the bosses kids

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